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Self-Esteem

Raising self-esteem

According to Dr. Nathaniel Brandon, the self-esteem guru, "Of all the judgments you make in life, none is as important as the one you make about yourself. The difference between low self-esteem and high self-esteem is the difference between passivity and action, between failure and success".

Self-esteem is also defined as the experience of being competent enough to cope with the basic challenges of life and feeling worthy of happiness.

How people feel about themselves affect every moment of their lives; how they act, react, choose their values, set their goals and meet life's challenges.

Without positive self-esteem, psychological growth is stunted. People with low self- esteem have less resilience to deal with life's challenges. They tend to be more influenced by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy. Negatives have more power over them than positives. Nothing they do ever feels like enough. Those with high self-esteem feel they can handle life's challenges and seek the stimulation of change and striving for worthwhile and demanding goals. Reaching such goals nurtures healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. People with low self-esteem tend to seek the safety of the familiar and are unwilling to take risks which in turn weakens the self-concept and confidence. This also affects the choices they make in relationships. The higher the self-esteem, the more likely a person will choose a nurturing rather than toxic relationship. Likewise, they will be more positive role models and more empowering towards their children. They are also more inclined to treat others with respect and fairness. Such persons do not perceive others as a threat, as self- respect is the foundation of respect for others.

Children who have high self-esteem tend to have parents who:

  • treat them with love and respect
  • provide children with the supporting structure of reasonable rules and appropriate expectations
  • do not confuse their children with mixed messages and contradictions
  • do not ridicule humiliate or use verbal or physical abuse to control
  • make it clear they believe in the child's competence and goodness

It is important to be aware of these criteria for effective parenting for two reasons. First it helps you to examine how your parent's techniques may have affected your self-esteem as a child. And secondly it may help you to reflect on how your own parenting may have affected the self-esteem of your children.

The good news is that it is NEVER too late to raise self-esteem. There are several ways to do this effectively. I can help you with this process by:

Helping you to understand how the influences you may have experienced in your childhood could have affected development of your self-esteem issues. Understanding how you got here, helps to clarify many questions regarding why we sabotage ourselves, act out, react, and repeat negative patterns over and over again. Self-esteem affects self-confidence, ability to assert oneself, feelings of not deserving. It also creates a fear of taking risks, making commitments, facing challenges and can lead to problems of anger, anxiety, depression, as well as a feeling of powerlessness.

We are all influenced to some degree, by our childhood experiences. This is not a judgment, just a fact of life. Understanding how your childhood environment may have contributed to your self-esteem issues, will help you to understand how you got here and then by eliminating these negative influences, you can progress towards healing and feeling empowered.

If you have had parents who were critical, judgmental, negative, anxious, perfectionist, abusive, neglectful, emotionally unavailable or depressed (and who hasn't experienced some of these things in their childhood) it makes sense how these influences would affect the way you saw the world. Your parents were your most powerful role models in your childhood, and they taught you, by their beliefs and behaviour, that the world was a safe or a fearful place to live; it is only natural that their outlook on life would affect your perception of the world as well.

Perception, fortunately can be changed, once you are aware of where these faulty assumptions and expectations come from, and once you make the decision that you have a choice and are not destined to repeat the same patterns and fears of your parents.

I can help you on this path by providing the tools and support you need to make these changes. You will learn how to:

  • Assert yourself
  • Eliminate negative thoughts and feelings
  • Feel more empowered
  • Be willing to take risks
  • Replace fear with passion
  • Eliminate guilty feelings

Are you ready to begin this journey? Let me be your coach, your guide, and teacher.
I will show you the way to become the person you always wanted to be and there will be no limit to what you can accomplish or achieve, if you are ready to do the work.

Join me on this journey and become the best you can be!!!

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